“Is it OK if my sister comes to stay with us for a week?” enquired my wife, the day before said sister was planned to arrive. I could hardly refuse, although I realised that the “us” in her request meant mainly me, because she who must be obeyed spends most of the day in gainful employment, whilst I spend all of mine in gainful sloth.


Little sister is well-behaved and now speaks English well enough; so the visit should be a painless enough experience. But really, what the hell do you do with kids nowadays?


We had a conversation about youth. She wanted to know what mine had been like, with a particular interest being expressed in music. I told her about The Beatles, she had never heard of them. She likes Justin Bieber and One Direction. I tried to explain that The Beatles were like One Direction, except with talent; but that didn’t go down too well. She also wanted to know about my girlfriends, but I suspected that that question had been planted by she who must be obeyed so I advocated celibacy until marriage. That didn’t go down so well either, because she didn’t understand the word ‘celibacy’ and I was not going to be the one to explain it. We didn’t have a conversation about fashion because I am too old to feign interest in things that bore me shitless; and she is too young to feign interest in anything, especially the merits of the micro four thirds camera system, a fascinating subject I tried to raise on a number of occasions.


In desperation, I took her to the place I vowed I would never go to again, Art in Paradise. The good news was that they were now offering the Thai price for non-Thais with driving licences, the bad news was that the place was rammed with parents who also had no idea what to do with their kids during the school holidays. People were queuing, in that very special Asian way that that an Englishman would define as shoving, to photograph each other. It was mayhem, not helped by a power cut and near darkness at one point.


We elbowed our way round the paintings and gathered enough snaps for her to fill her Facebook feed for a couple of days.



This morning I have done what any responsible parent would do, I have stuck her in front of the TV with a Tintin movie and a bag of snacks. After that she can play Pet Society until her eyes bleed, and then I will take her for ice cream. That should fill in the time until she who must be obeyed comes home and I can be relieved of my responsibilities.


She leaves on Thursday, I am counting the hours it has been a joy to have her here.